I told you guys I'd get better with consistent posting. Only a week later and so much has happened for me to write about. But first I kind of want to gush a bit about my boyfriend/husband. It's gonna be a long one...sorry if you get bored.
Exactly 3 weeks ago today, Josh arrived at the Napier Airport in Hawke's Bay, New Zealand. As always as it has been with our long-term-long-distance relationship, the time we spend apart felt like years. But at the same time, we were able to pick up right were we left off, as if I had just spent a really long night apart.
When I first left Spain last July, it was 6 months until I saw Josh again. That was our longest period, but surprisingly not our hardest. I mean it was bad. Real fucking bad. I would constantly call him before bed (the middle of the night for him) and just cry my eyes out for hours at a time. As I've said before, that was when my depression was at an all time low. And being isolated from the person I loved most in life was heartbreaking. Knowing that there was someone out there who would be comforting me, hugging me, and giving me support through my dark days was the only thing that got me through being suicidal. It definitely should have been our hardest time apart. I've talked to Josh a few times about why we think it wasn't our hardest long-distance stretch. I think that it's because the time that we had spent developing our relationship in Spain, we were already mentally preparing ourselves for when I would leave. Josh thinks that all our long distance stretches were equally hard, but for different reasons.
At the time we had no idea if we wanted to do long-distance or if that would be the end. I had applied for architecture jobs in Spain and other places in Europe, but being fresh out of university meant I wasn't qualified for a European work visa yet. The same went for Josh trying to apply for an American work visa; he needed at least 1-2 more years of professional experience before he would be considered.
Thankfully though, we're both stubborn as fuck and were not about to let go of our miracle. It sounds really gross and cheesy, but we truly believe that God or the universe or whatever celestial power is out there brought us together. There were just too many impossible circumstances to how we met. Firstly I'm from the US and he's from the UK, but we somehow were able to meet during my 6 months of study-abroad in Spain. I was originally meant to go to Spain September of 2015 and at that time Josh was still in a previous relationship. So even if we would have met, it wouldn't have developed any further than friendship. But most likely we wouldn't have met because Josh and I crossed paths through the one and only...Tinder dating app. There, it's out there. I was on a dating app while in Spain. So yeah, we wouldn't have crossed paths that way if I had went to Spain 6 months earlier because he wouldn't have been on Tinder. That's the final crazy circumstance of how we met; out of the pool of thousands of people who were on the app in Valencia, we both happened to swipe right on each other. Well actually, Josh swiped up, which is a "super like" feature on the app to show someone you really wanna meet them. And, being 100% honest here... if he hadn't showed me that strong initial interest... I'm not sure if I would have swiped right... Look, he's a gamer and his career is in gaming and that's soooo not my type. But I definitely found him attractive, he had put a lot of genuine effort into his bio, and he apparently was very interested in meeting me. Thankfully he made it easy for me to "match" him, he's good at first impressions like that.
So yeah, we were very much aware that our "meet cute" was a mini-miracle. At the Valencia airport right before my flight was about to depart, with tears streaming down both our eyes like big babies, I told Josh that as soon as I got a job I would save up to visit him during the Christmas holidays.
Fast forward a few months later, I had already been looking into weather I could somehow go back to Spain with Josh. You guys know the story, I hated my job and had no friends. I wanted out. I knew being an Au Pair had it's own visa application separate from the typical work visa, so I started applying for Au Pair positions in Valencia, Barcelona and Madrid. Unfortunately, none of them had worked out because most of the families weren't willing to help me with the visa application. Apparently it was just too much of an inconvenience to them. They could easily get an Au Pair from another European country and not have to bother with any kind of visa bullshit. The families that were willing to take in an American only wanted someone to look after their kids during their summer vacation off school. Which is conveniently only 3 months, just like the schengen tourist visa. So those families basically didn't want to bother with the Au Pair visa process either. Later that month when I was with Josh in Birmingham, he suggested that maybe I start looking at other countries that would have easier visa processes. I wasn't really up for that because the whole point was to be together, but I knew he was right.
After 159 nights apart, I flew out of DFW and landed in the Birmingham airport a day later. We spent a much needed two weeks together that December. The first week was a bit strange. I think we were both afraid that we had changed too much over 6 months and might not really know each other as well as we used to. And we didn't have time to address those fears right away. We kind of had to put on a cheerful facade since we were surrounded by Josh's family to celebrate the holidays. But the second week, we were able to just slow down and reconnect. And even though we might have changed during our time apart, we still clicked the same way we had in Spain. That's kind of when we realized that what we had was probably the real deal. True love and all that. Like in those stupid movies I would cry over as a teenager.
We spent another 3 months apart after my trip to the UK. For me, it was definitely a little more difficult than the first 6 months apart. I guess it's because we were really over the long-distance at this point. It was like running a marathon and getting to the finish line only to realize you had to do a 400 meter sprint right afterwards. Yet again, we didn't know when we'd see each other next. And we were at a point where we wanted to start our lives together already. Or at least to be on the same god damn continent. The first time we met in Spain was on March 26th, and we really wanted to spend our anniversary together. As much as I would have loved to spend it in Valencia, I had used up all two weeks of my vacation days for the UK. So Josh started saving up to come visit me. Up until the end of January, we still weren't sure exactly when or if he'd be able to come. His American tourist visa and vacation days from his company still hadn't been approved.
All the while, I had been doing more visa research for myself and found the Australian and New Zealand working-holiday schemes. Basically, the idea is that anyone under 30 could have the opportunity to go to one of these pacific island countries and have the option to work legally while they travel. The visa costs about $200 for US citizens, and we're given a 1 year visa. Commonwealth-country citizens get 2. Everywhere else in the world gets about 6 months. So I opened up my Au Pair page to Aussies and Kiwi families. The Hussain family got a hold of me and said that my available dates and their need for a new Au Pair matched up perfectly. The next thing I know, I got a google alert about NZ immigration. For some odd reason, US applications were being accepted for free. So I applied the same day I got the job offer. The visa was approved in like 3 days...things seemed to be falling into place.
Fast forward again to March 31st, I was picking up Josh from the DFW Airport. We had unfortunately missed our actual anniversary, but spent the entire next week celebrating in total bliss - that's right, we celebrated it for an entire week because we fucking deserved it. We probably did it in the most epic way as well. We introduced Josh's mom to my parents and the families got to know each other and spend time together. And then...well, we got fucking married! Well, Islamically at least. We still plan on doing a traditional western engagement and wedding sometime in the future.
We both left the US April 8th - him to Spain, me to New Zealand. And then we spent our hardest 4 months apart. We thought we had already faced the hardest long-distance had to offer, but fuck were we wrong. Those four months were the truest test to our relationship. I was really over being glued to my phone all the time just to be able to talk to my husband (that's super weird to type out by the way, still not used to it). Every time I went on a mini adventure, I would just be wishing Josh was there with me. I found myself in a situation where I was very isolated from people my own age, and it was again really hard to make friends. I don't mean for this to come off in a conceited or vain way, but the only people that were being friendly were guys that were interested in more than friendship. Two months in, I had another major dip with my depression. I began to think, if I had changed so much about my life, but was still experiencing strong suicidal thoughts, would it ever really go away? Should I just give in to them?
Josh was, again, my god-sent angel through those dark times. I can't even count how many nights he spent on skype for hours at a time while i sobbed my eyes out. I seriously don't know what I did to deserve this wonderful man. He also gave me some really good advice to get myself through the last couple of months: he wanted me to immerse myself in my daily experiences. And again, he was right. It took a little bit of mini meditation moments throughout my days. But ultimately it helped me be fully present mentally and emotionally. When I was watching the kids, I was finally able to cherish my times with them. And when I went on my nature adventures, I would find a good spot and just sit there for hours to take it all in. Feeling the sun warm every inch of my skin. Noticing the difference in how the air smelled when you're surrounded by trees versus being near a waterfall or at the beach. All the little nature noises that people usually listen to on their phones to help them sleep or relax, I could listen to anytime I wanted. All of those sensational experiences that people try to replicate in their everyday lives, I had a front row seat to the real deal.
And in no time, the last two months disappeared. I swear to god it felt like June and July didn't acutally happen this year. It was as if i blinked, opened my eyes, and a JetStar flight landed about a hundred feet in front of me. Even though I was in a country that I wasn't familiar with and surrounded by people I don't know, the second the passenger doors opened.. I was suddenly at home. Joshua Pears. My own personal sun. My best friend. My home. I never have to be apart from him ever again....someone fucking pinch me
